my 2021 resolution: write everyday
I’ll get the most obvious explanation out of the way first; I’m an aspiring writer. I’m doing a masters in writing. I’m planning my first book. I need to be good at it if I want to make a career out of it, and as Angie Thomas says; practice makes greatness. I write quite regularly already but for the purpose of this, assignment briefs don’t count. My work in progress doesn’t count. This leads me to the other reason I’m pledging to write every day - writing for myself helps me get to know myself. I thought about bullet journals, but for me, it just doesn’t have the same impact as confronting a very vulnerable blank page. There’s no distracting prettiness, it’s just words staring at you in black and white. And when you read back those words, they tend to accidentally reveal your subconscious thoughts – both the most damaging and the most productive. What’s keeping you up at night and what’s getting you up in the morning. And that’s where I want to be this year. I want to spend 2021 with myself, putting me first and learning more about her. Being my own best friend. I have no expectations for the year ahead, I’m going to take it a day at a time. I’m not going to demand too much from myself. I’m just going to ask that for ten, fifteen, twenty minutes each day, I sit with myself and I write. Whatever needs to come out will come out.
Today, I’ll begin with giving myself a pat on the back. All current goings-on considered, I’ve been doing really well lately. Like the majority, I had to spend a lot of time with myself in 2020, and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed getting to know myself without the influence of the people around me. I began to work out which bits of me are me, which bits were what I thought others wanted from me, which bits I need to let go off and which bits I need to feel more comfortable in. I realise that’s a rubbish explanation, I promise I’ll get better at writing my thoughts with practice. Put simply, my current biggest realisation has been that I should stop being so embarrassed or self-conscious about the things I love to do. I should find more confidence and stop following the crowd.
Finding things out about myself, the flaws alongside the things I love most, will always be an ongoing process. I’m not sure about the idea that a person is ever ‘whole’ or ‘complete’ and I don’t have a goal to be. I’m happy to go on learning and changing for as long as possible, and I’m excited to document that process over the next year.
I doubt I’ll post everything I write online, as I can imagine some days will be boring and others might get too personal, but I wanted to share this first one (as scary as it is to be talking purely as myself) to encourage others to try the same, even if you can't do every day.
Signing out for 1st Jan x